maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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