I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
