I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize