If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
