Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
