You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
