i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
