I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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