So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
