dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
