Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
