I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
