I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
