I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My ATM looks so different sober.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
