Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
