how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
