You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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