My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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