I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
