Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
