Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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