I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
