I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
