Already got asked if we're dating
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is Oprah even human
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
