I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
