people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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