At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
