I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
