Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
this is an emotional support booty call
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
