Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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