Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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