I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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