Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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