hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
