I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
