yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
