If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
