I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
