Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
