Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
