Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
