You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
