My liver just broke up with me...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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