do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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