Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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