i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
