im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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