Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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