My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
