Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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