1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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