We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
